Good day. I bet that sounds the best down under where they say "g'day." Fact is that some days are hard to see more good than bad. I attribute this to three possibilities mentioned in the title of this blog - hormones, life and God.
Yesterday was one of those days. I woke up generally negative which is so not like me. I could feel myself tainting the people close to me with the contagiousness of my negativity. It would have been nice if I could have just skipped the day entirely! Then there's reality. And since I did all of the usual things that contribute to my usual healthy mental, physical and spiritual well being (i.e. went for a run, Bible study and prayer, etc.), it just didn't make sense that I would be so crabby. But then when have hormones ever made sense?! That's the point. The irrational thoughts and resulting actions that sometimes come from raging hormones truly makes a person wonder what God was thinking when He designed women! The Bible tells me that I am "fearfully and wonderfully made" (Psalm 139:13-14) and it's on days like yesterday where I have to believe that I am more of a scary representation of God's creation vs. an awesome or wonderful one! Oh well.
Life and its challenging circumstances invite me to to allow what comes naturally to happen. It's natural to allow negative thinking to surface when life is hard and much harder to stay optimistic and resist what seems so inevitable. It feels like going upstream and against the current to me.
Then there's God. While journaling during my devotion time this morning, it was His inspiration that led me to write words that ministered to my very own heart when I re-read them. I was expounding on the subject of my negativity and letting the Lord know that I would fight against it with the "tools" that He has given me. As I wrote words to this effect, the following came to mind: "I fight by stirring myself up in the Spirit. Listening to worship music, meditating on Your Word, and praying. I may not get to the top of the mountain as I do these things, but at least I will not remain crushed beneath it! Better to be sweating under the scorching sun while I climb, than to be defeated by the weight of my circumstances."
Wish I could tell you that those words were my own. When I hear wisdom in my writing I know better! I'm just grateful to have another way to hear the voice of God. Praying YOU hear Him today.
Tuesday, June 14, 2011
Tuesday, June 7, 2011
Dreams and Nightmares
The last couple of nights have been interesting for me. First off, I am amazed that I can actually remember a nightmare from two nights ago as well as the "regular"dream I had just last night. I'm not one to always think that my dreams and nightmares have a deeper meaning but this week I believe they do for some reason.
The nightmare I had was about a lion. It was swimming and had a live woman in its jaws. There were people scattered in the water around them and I can't remember if I as in the water too or on the shore. What I do remember is that the woman was calmly talking to me while being carried off by the lion. It was so eerie and I felt so helpless to try and save her.
The "regular" dream I had involved my 3 adult children. Man does that ever sound weird but they are all grown up! So anyway, in my dream, they were all little again and it seemed so real. I was trying to tuck them all into bed for the night and to spend quality mommy time with each of them, but was unable to do it to my satisfaction. I woke up frustrated.
Here's my take on the nightmare: I'm thinking the lion represented the enemy and was either a warning to me of what could happen to me if I don't stand against him OR it was a representation of what he is doing or will do to those who don't know the Truth. I haven't been able to derive much more than that from it.
The "regular" dream is this: I am grieving the loss of my children in the sense that they are all grown up. I am trying to hold onto their childhood in my dream and go back to a time when I took for granted how many chances I would have to do the simple things that percolated so much love. That one seems obvious.
Dreams and nightmares. Since I mostly have nightmares, I will consider the dream to be a gift of remembrance and the nightmare to be a learning tool that I can act upon in a variety of ways. Actually both can be acted upon. Remembering the sweet little voices and tiny hands that used to hold my own is something that I can be so grateful to have had. The action upon that remembrance must come through giving. Giving the precious kind of love that I knew back then and still know now, even if the voices are all grown up and the hands are the size of my own! The action in response to the nightmare is simply to be vigilant and not just for my own sake. Who can I pray for? Who can I actually ask face-to-face that question and will I do it? How can I show my love and have that speak louder than my words? How can I share my faith without using any words at all? The good news is that I know the answer to these questions. A wise person once said that wisdom is knowledge applied. I believe I will apply my knowledge and do my best to live with wisdom.
The nightmare I had was about a lion. It was swimming and had a live woman in its jaws. There were people scattered in the water around them and I can't remember if I as in the water too or on the shore. What I do remember is that the woman was calmly talking to me while being carried off by the lion. It was so eerie and I felt so helpless to try and save her.
The "regular" dream I had involved my 3 adult children. Man does that ever sound weird but they are all grown up! So anyway, in my dream, they were all little again and it seemed so real. I was trying to tuck them all into bed for the night and to spend quality mommy time with each of them, but was unable to do it to my satisfaction. I woke up frustrated.
Here's my take on the nightmare: I'm thinking the lion represented the enemy and was either a warning to me of what could happen to me if I don't stand against him OR it was a representation of what he is doing or will do to those who don't know the Truth. I haven't been able to derive much more than that from it.
The "regular" dream is this: I am grieving the loss of my children in the sense that they are all grown up. I am trying to hold onto their childhood in my dream and go back to a time when I took for granted how many chances I would have to do the simple things that percolated so much love. That one seems obvious.
Dreams and nightmares. Since I mostly have nightmares, I will consider the dream to be a gift of remembrance and the nightmare to be a learning tool that I can act upon in a variety of ways. Actually both can be acted upon. Remembering the sweet little voices and tiny hands that used to hold my own is something that I can be so grateful to have had. The action upon that remembrance must come through giving. Giving the precious kind of love that I knew back then and still know now, even if the voices are all grown up and the hands are the size of my own! The action in response to the nightmare is simply to be vigilant and not just for my own sake. Who can I pray for? Who can I actually ask face-to-face that question and will I do it? How can I show my love and have that speak louder than my words? How can I share my faith without using any words at all? The good news is that I know the answer to these questions. A wise person once said that wisdom is knowledge applied. I believe I will apply my knowledge and do my best to live with wisdom.
Monday, May 30, 2011
The Beginning
It strikes me a little funny that I've titled this first entry as "The Beginning" when in reality, I am most certainly in the middle! My 46 years have come and gone and brought me to this very unfamiliar place in life - middle age! Don't get me wrong, it's all been truly amazing and though I have made plenty of bad decisions and mistakes, this first half of my life (assuming I get another 46 years or so!) has been beautiful and full of rich, rich blessings. Now I wait for what is unknown to me. Dreams of growing up, learning a profession, marrying my prince charming, having children...those dreams have been fulfilled and exceeded my expectations! That leaves me with what to dream about now. Oh I suppose I could ramble on about my fantasy of being a favored grandparent or driving cross country in an RV with my ever juvenile prince, but somehow that doesn't seem like it would fully encompass what is yet inside of me. Growing older and having the traditional experience of what that usually means just doesn't seem like "me." But then again, that is exactly the conundrum I find myself in - the "me" thing. Who is "me?!"
In this past year, I have had a hysterectomy which has really messed with everything from how food now tastes to what music I like. It has touched on just about everything I feel physically and has influenced my emotions at times as well. My son, an airman in the USAF, married the woman of his dreams, also an airwoman in the USAF and though we were beyond elated, it happened faster than usual and was a big change. My last born daughter graduated from high school in the same year and went to the West Coast to follow her dream of going to school there where my other daughter is in her third year. Inside of this same year, I had a shingles flare where it actually developed inside of my eardrum. It doesn't sound so bad but in all of my years, I have never experienced anything so painful as this, even all three of my c-sections! That episode brought me to a place where I actually wished I could die and a crisis of my precious faith ensued. Many times I asked God "where are You?" throughout the several week period that this took place. It took coming out on the other side to realize that He really was there, but my pain was a huge obstacle to being able to realize that.
Now you know a bit about me, the changes I've experienced in a very short period of time and why I might be inspired to write about midlife and changes. Perhaps you are going through some changes of your own right now too, whether you're in midlife or not. I think that change is something that we can all relate to no matter our age. As I learn about surrendering myself to the inevitable, maybe my story can be an encouragement to others. I look forward to maintaining this blog and seeing where it takes me. Love and peace be yours!
In this past year, I have had a hysterectomy which has really messed with everything from how food now tastes to what music I like. It has touched on just about everything I feel physically and has influenced my emotions at times as well. My son, an airman in the USAF, married the woman of his dreams, also an airwoman in the USAF and though we were beyond elated, it happened faster than usual and was a big change. My last born daughter graduated from high school in the same year and went to the West Coast to follow her dream of going to school there where my other daughter is in her third year. Inside of this same year, I had a shingles flare where it actually developed inside of my eardrum. It doesn't sound so bad but in all of my years, I have never experienced anything so painful as this, even all three of my c-sections! That episode brought me to a place where I actually wished I could die and a crisis of my precious faith ensued. Many times I asked God "where are You?" throughout the several week period that this took place. It took coming out on the other side to realize that He really was there, but my pain was a huge obstacle to being able to realize that.
Now you know a bit about me, the changes I've experienced in a very short period of time and why I might be inspired to write about midlife and changes. Perhaps you are going through some changes of your own right now too, whether you're in midlife or not. I think that change is something that we can all relate to no matter our age. As I learn about surrendering myself to the inevitable, maybe my story can be an encouragement to others. I look forward to maintaining this blog and seeing where it takes me. Love and peace be yours!
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