The Beginning

It strikes me a little funny that I've titled this first entry as "The Beginning" when in reality, I am most certainly in the middle!  My 46 years have come and gone and brought me to this very unfamiliar place in life - middle age!  Don't get me wrong, it's all been truly amazing and though I have made plenty of bad decisions and mistakes, this first half of my life (assuming I get another 46 years or so!) has been beautiful and full of rich, rich blessings.  Now I wait for what is unknown to me.  Dreams of growing up, learning a profession, marrying my prince charming, having children...those dreams have been fulfilled and exceeded my expectations!  That leaves me with what to dream about now.  Oh I suppose I could ramble on about my fantasy of being a favored grandparent or driving cross country in an RV with my ever juvenile prince, but somehow that doesn't seem like it would fully encompass what is yet inside of me.  Growing older and having the traditional experience of what that usually means just doesn't seem like "me."  But then again, that is exactly the conundrum I find myself in - the "me" thing.  Who is "me?!" 

In this past year, I have had a hysterectomy which has really messed with everything from how food now tastes to what music I like.  It has touched on just about everything I feel physically and has influenced my emotions at times as well.  My son, an airman in the USAF, married the woman of his dreams, also an airwoman in the USAF and though we were beyond elated, it happened faster than usual and was a big change.  My last born daughter graduated from high school in the same year and went to the West Coast to follow her dream of going to school there where my other daughter is in her third year.  Inside of this same year, I had a shingles flare where it actually developed inside of my eardrum.  It doesn't sound so bad but in all of my years, I have never experienced anything so painful as this, even all three of my c-sections!  That episode brought me to a place where I actually wished I could die and a crisis of my precious faith ensued.  Many times I asked God "where are You?"  throughout the several week period that this took place.  It took coming out on the other side to realize that He really was there, but my pain was a huge obstacle to being able to realize that. 

Now you know a bit about me, the changes I've experienced in a very short period of time and why I might be inspired to write about midlife and changes.  Perhaps you are going through some changes of your own right now too, whether you're in midlife or not.  I think that change is something that we can all relate to no matter our age.  As I learn about surrendering myself to the inevitable, maybe my story can be an encouragement to others.  I look forward to maintaining this blog and seeing where it takes me.  Love and peace be yours!